Wolf Sirens: Forbidden: Discover The Legend Page 16

  On Wednesday I broke.

  I was placed near him for the hold. I could feel him and smell his t-shirt wet with sweat and musk. It was different feeling the heat radiating off his body. It was easier when we didn’t have to touch. On this day my heart beat was like a thudding drum. This was hard enough - my bones ached and I avoided eye contact. The routine had to be re hashed with a few changes to highlight Sky and make use of his strength for the lifts, though Sam was probably as strong as him because of her alpha wolf strength. We had to keep the routine plausible, that’s were Giny and I came in. We were handy as realistic reference points, for Sam to measure against in keeping it all ‘human looking’. She decided to try a lift with me and Sky. He placed his arms over me without hesitation, before it was necessary, as he listened to Sam’s instructions. It felt odd standing there, his hands on my waist, burning holes through my skin like lava. I barely heard Sam’s instructions. I felt I would burn up into ash and fall in a pile on the floor.

  He asked, “Tell me if I start to hurt you, okay?” He looked into my eyes with blazing blue green irises. I nodded, not knowing if I could speak. He had never addressed me directly before. His touch was nearly more than I could bear; my heart began to pound out of my chest. Surely he could hear the blood throbbing in my body. I began to shake, he lifted me much too slowly and with complete ease. I started to panic. I wobbled and shook trying to maintain the pose. I wavered unsteadily on his shoulder and almost fell, though he held me tight in his grip. Bianca jumped in to help catch me as I slipped. Sky had grabbed me with one hand as I fell. Bianca steadied me with strong hands, I was against his body - now I was hot, my cheeks scorched.

  “You got her?” Sam called, studying us. Swiftly I let go of where I gripped him. I felt overwhelmingly dizzy.

  “I got her,” he assured Bianca calmly. I had to get away. I struggled from his grip, unnecessarily roughly. “Let go!” I said defensively. Though he didn’t force his grip, it was tender and firm, all the more painful for me.

  “Is something wrong?” I heard a voice say. I didn’t lift my gaze as I walked away.

  “Yeah, I can’t do this,” I blurted too venomously behind me. I couldn’t breathe, or even look at them. I was obviously shaking. I felt the sweat then, all over my body. “I ache and I’m hot and I’m going! Sorry I’ve just got to get out,” I said as my cheeks burned. I fumbled with the door and slammed it behind me; I did not want anyone to follow. The whole incident was surreal. I needed air - more than that, I needed oxygen untainted with his smell, his heat. I was too close to bear it, to pretend I was indifferent to him or even act annoyed, though I had barely managed it. Adrenaline and blood raced through me. I needed to get control of myself, or quit. My muscles shook, I caught my breath slowly; did they realize what was wrong with me? Could they tell from my bizarre overreaction and behaviour? Could they guess how lovesick I was from my red cheeks and my inability to be in the same room as him, or even look into his eyes? I splashed my face and looked in the mirror.What are you doing? I thought. I grabbed my gym bag and ran out the door of the change rooms, tears of embarrassment soaking my beetroot-stained face.

  I hyperventilated in the hall. Giny came out and found me. I managed some excuse about being overwhelmed, which she hurriedly agreed to. They assumed that it was posttraumatic stress, because of Lily. Giny drove me home and I felt it was painfully obvious that Sky had somehow unsettled me. If not, that I was desperately infatuated with him to the point of severe embarrassment and distraction. What the hell was wrong with me? Was I so desperate for affection? Why couldn’t I shake my feelings for him? Why did I pine for him like a lovesick puppy?

  I was spinning these obsessive feelings as dislike, which somehow came out as hatred in the coming days. It was the only way I could cope with the strong emotion, which engulfed me. Giny was a comfort to me, we had our love of the wolves in common - only mine was bordering on obsession; I was a danger to myself.

  When I saw him at the cabin on the weekends we made eye contact but didn’t speak otherwise. I felt every painful glance across the room. Giny had recalled me asking her if Sky disliked me and I knew she told them about it. I had managed to attend practice the rest of next morning and somehow kept it together. Did he know it was he and not anything else, which had unhinged me that day? I hardly knew him, yet he made my cheeks flush crimson with a single look and his sapphire eyes occupied all my thoughts. His presence tended to intoxicate me, so I avoided being directly near him, but I couldn’t seem to cope with the ache of being far from him, either. It was out of my control, I couldn’t help it as my heart pulsed. Giny replaced me in the lift, much to my relief. He busied himself at a distance at the cabin. I felt best when I could see him but he wasn’t close enough to cause me to stop breathing and not far enough to make me desperate for him.

  Fortunately my little breakdown was put down to stress and overtiredness; it was conceivable. Maybe they assumed we didn’t get along. Regardless, I was glad.

  And I was exhausted. If I was to keep it up I needed them to change me. I would do anything for an excuse to be with him for eternity; made worse by the fact I knew how stupid I was, risking my life, as well as hurting Reid, of angering Sam and of being rejected by Sky. I had to swallow it down, cover it up and focus. My body writhed with feelings, like snakes in a box.

  18. Bay for Me

  That weekend at the cabin, avoiding direct contact with Sky as usual, I noticed Reid and Sky seemed cold towards each other too, hostile even. Something wasn’t right between them; they brushed past each other with ferocity in their eyes. That wasn’t normal.

  As I chatted with Giny about dresses and the upcoming school social, I swear I saw a flicker of hostility as they passed each other at the pool, whilst Giny chatted in my ear.

  “Reid?” I asked later in the privacy of the spare bedroom. “Is Sky upset with you?”

  I couldn’t imagine Reid being the one to start an argument, he was the happiest person I’d ever known. He was a peace-keeper. “He thinks I should break it off with you,” he replied.

  I struggled to hide my shock. “Why?” I frowned.

  “He doesn’t agree with me, thinks we shouldn’t change you and that it’s only going to cause problems.” He sounded distressed and his jittery movement alarmed me a little.

  “What?”

  “Like he thinks it’s a repeat of the Sam/Cresida/ Sky triangle.” He raised his gaze. “I don’t get him at the moment. He’s such a hypocrite! - He encouraged this in the beginning.” Reid was becoming agitated. His hands twitched.

  “What? Back up, he encouraged you to be with me?” I narrowed my eyes.

  “They all did! Sam and Bianca.” He started to breathe heavily.

  “Reid, calm down, tell me, what’s upset you?” I reached to touch him but he was out of reach, flickering about nervously. He didn’t answer. I was scared it was me, that somehow he knew what I had hidden: my secret crush on Sky. I jumped then as he punched the wall which crumpled under his fist and he started to quake. Ripples shook down his body under his skin. I knew what was happening, I’d read the signs, been told to look for them, because he was young.

  “Reid…Reid,” I said tenderly, as he convulsed. But instinct told me not to step closer. The second he burst into black fur I turned and ran, knowing I had left it too late. I ran down the hall. In my panic I passed by Sky and I made it to the kitchen area only to hear growls and yelps, thudding, banging and smashing of glass, crockery being broken, tearing and vicious growling that made my body tremble in fear.

  Sam gripped my elbow. “There goes my curtains…come on let’s get you out of here.”She grabbed me by the arm and steered me out as I felt compelled to go in the other direction, but was too scared to resist her offer of escape.

  “Come on,” she urged. To my surprise she drove me home personally in the G6. “They’ll be fine,” she said with a reassuring smile. The worry must have been painted on my face, as we pulled out of the long driveway. I
wondered if she had forgiven me.

  “What’s all this about? I thought they were best mates?” But I was scared she knew what it was about. Sam watched the road ahead.

  “Lila–” She sounded annoyed but then her tone softened – “I think it’s best if you stay away from Reid for a while.” Her expression was empathetic. No, she had not forgiven me.

  “What?” I couldn’t believe it. She was breaking up with me, on his behalf? “Like break-up? Does Reid know?” I frowned in disbelief.

  “He will soon, this has been coming since it began, really - it’s not safe for you, with us.”

  “What about Reid? Does he have a say in this, and anyway Giny’s not changed and she hasn’t been kicked out?” I argued.

  “Yes, he has a say - he was going to break up with you, he’s been putting it off.”

  That was harder reasoning than I had expected.

  “So you’re stepping in.” I reacted petulantly.

  “Somewhat, yes,” she admitted condescendingly.

  I huffed bravely.“Because I’m not one of you?” I started to say something about Giny…

  “–No that’s not it, Lila. It’s dangerous for you and us,” she warned.

  “What about practice?” I retorted.

  “Lila, you’re not that good, we can replace you.” That stung but maybe it was true.

  But I wasn’t going to give up.“With who? Another human.” They’d claimed to have trouble before. Part of me was happy to be released from practice but I was not happy that I was about to be abandoned.

  She spoke calmly. “No, Jackson can step in. I’ve been working on the board. It seems now there’s a mixed category opening for the first time this year.”

  “I see you’ve been busy.” I knew how she had achieved this – with her persuasion.

  She smiled dryly. “Don’t change the subject – Lila, we need you to keep your silence.”

  “Or what?”

  She glared at me.

  “We don’t want it to have to come to that.” “Cresida wouldn’t let you,” I threatened.

  She winced at this, a momentary chink in her armour.

  “There’s always ways around things. Cresida isn’t perfect, I’d be careful if I were you,” she cautioned.

  She pulled up to the curb. She looked at me to get out, but I was far from done.

  “Change me.”

  She didn’t answer.

  “If I ask you to do it, Cresida can’t do anything about it,” I begged. I looked around as though expecting to see her up in a tree, watching, trigger ready, and if she wasn’t then I wanted Sam to bite me now and quick. Maybe I should have stayed for Reid to lose it and bite me – the scratches would heal.

  “Lila, you were lucky not to get severely injured by Reid today. This was fun having you with us but like all good things it must come to an end. You are lucky to have not been hurt. Go and live a normal life. Reid won’t be seeing you again, he’s dropping out, and things have changed.”

  I knew she was right. I wasn’t worthy, or even talented. Perhaps she knew the truth: that I really didn’t love Reid. Maybe she knew my secret. I loved the wrong guy, her guy. I swallowed slow and hard. But the accusation didn’t come.

  The truth was I hadn’t been changed and I was obsolete, a worthless distraction as far as Sam was concerned. She stared at me with expressionless ice blue eyes.

  I grasped at straws arguing, “But he doesn’t want to drop out.”

  “True, but it doesn’t mean he won’t for the pack. You are strong-willed Lila, I had no idea how strong. That’s why it’s best we part ways. Monica and Tealy will be waiting for you on Monday – be friends with them.” Her warm hand softly tapped me.

  She put her hand on my shoulder. Something in me believed her, wanted to do as she said.

  “Now get out calmly, go upstairs, cry, tell your mother you broke up with Reid, if she asks, and move on,” she advised, as though it was as easy said as done.

  I asked myself if this was her convincing me with her gift.“No…you can’t. Is this because of my breakdown at practice. I’m sorry, it was just a moment, I promise I’m okay–” I begged, though I couldn’t tell her why.

  “It’s okay, Lila, everything is great. Reid has decided to move on and so have you. You will be fine after tonight, no one will hurt you. You, Lila, are safe, you’re fine, no longer in a relationship with Reid and that’s good…”

  Before I knew it I was out of the car on the sidewalk like a stunned mullet. This was the first time that I had felt the full concentrated force of Sam’s gift. And only because I wanted an out from my relationship with Reid - but not one, which would take me from the pack, from my only link to Sky, I couldn’t bear that. That was all that hurt for a moment, the fact that by breaking me away from Reid, she also broke me from Sky, and who knew if he would still be at school. I prayed with all my aching guts that he would, that he wouldn’t disappear.

  What is wrong with me? I begged inside my mind? Stop it, stop it. I doubled over on the footpath as the pavement warped. The denial helped somewhat the fact that part of me knew she was right and wanted to believe her and this saved me the trouble of breaking it off with Reid, myself, anyway, because I knew I didn’t love him. I didn’t feel one inch as passionately as I did for Sky who would never touch me. I loved the lifestyle more than Reid; I loved the feeling of a pack family. I loved the idea of Sky more than anything and like a dog with a bone I wouldn’t be that easily deterred. I hoped her underestimation of me would be to my advantage. God knows why I felt so optimistic about facing off with her, weak as I was. I think it was denial. I guess it was all I had

  – hope and determination and without it, I was lost again. Failure wasn’t on my mind, I was driven, and the feelings of being crushed were gone in a wave of desire to be in with them again, to find him and make him want me, to see if he felt the tiniest bit for me, as I did so overwhelmingly for him. Denial is a powerful tool.

  Up in the safety of my room I assembled my jumbled thoughts, wondering where Sam’s hypnotism ended and what were my thoughts. My feelings for Sky must have been mine. There was no way Sam wanted me to remotely feel the way I did about him. And she couldn’t have possibly understood the zest with which I felt them. I assumed my disinterest in Reid was now partly due to her persuasion – I didn’t care. This made it easier to concentrate my full mind on Sky,Sam’s boyfriend.I felt now that I had a strange goal: to make him mine. I knew it was impossible but it would occupy the time; feed my fascination, which growled like a hungry stomach. Like a dog I couldn’t bear to starve for fear of the pain of it.

  I was shocked into the present by a tap at my window.Reid,I thought.

  The window began to open before I reached it. Yes, surely he would not that easily relinquish our relationship.

  To my surprise it was not Reid but Sky who climbed into my window. He was bigger in height than Reid and struggled to slide in the window frame as easily. I automatically jumped to help him. Squeezing in, he sat against the sill. I stared wideeyed at him. I looked out of the window to see who else might be with him. Was he acting as messenger for his friend?

  “Does Sam know you’re here?” was the first thing that came into my head. “Where’s Reid?” I observed he had cuts all over, which were healing before me. Remnants of the fight I had left at the cabin.

  I looked over his shoulder scanning the yard below. He glanced over his shoulder and then straight back at me with his blue/green eyes. I was starting to feel something of reality breaking from the semi conscious haze I was in. Was this real?

  I stopped breathing under the full force of his intimate gaze. Even when he looked angry I wanted him to touch me. Was he here to rectify things for Reid, with me? How could I explain I didn’t want that and have him believe me, or that it wasn’t lingering indifference from Sam’s hypnotism?

  “Sam and I have been broken up for weeks,” he stated, as though it was the most important information he was to bring. I w
as shocked but failed to see his point. Why was he sneaking into my room? I thought perhaps it was to get information, for Sam, to see if her hypnotism had worked as well as it had seemed to.

  “She doesn’t know I’m here.”

  “If you’ve got a message from Reid, let him bring it himself or has Sam grounded him?” I taunted. I was flattered they’d gone to the trouble to defy her by coming here, more for the reason that it gave me an excuse to see Sky alone. I wondered if I should drag out this confrontation just to be able to breathe him in for moments longer, unperturbed by others. Before they were gone from my intimate life, before they didn’t speak to me anymore.

  “Anyway why are you here – I thought you didn’t like me?” I asked arms folded.

  “I’m not here to fix things, Lila.”

  My stomach fluttered as he said my name. “I think you should know. He doesn’t love you.” He emphasized love and sounded annoyed he should have to apply the word to Reid’s name, even if only to deny it.

  “Great, so what do you care?” I returned the tone. I knew I was supposed to feel betrayed and angry.

  “I care,” he replied too quickly. “He doesn’t care about you.”

  “I know!” I replied irritated. My lack of concern even surprised me when I voiced it. “Why do you care at all? We are now broken up. In case you haven’t heard, Sam has decided!” I spat.

  “It doesn’t matter if she has decided! I want you to see – it’s not worth it. He’s not even here now. If he really cared he wouldn’t have listened to her, but he’s not here, he’s left. He doesn’t even care enough about you to fight.”

  I realized this must have been part of Sam’s ploy to disengage me further, in case the brainwashing didn’t work; yet it was so unnecessary.